The Grass is Greener – When You Water It

This morning I woke up, as usual, about 5:30 to meditate and pray before tuning into Steve Harvey’s 6 o’clock call to God. That’s not what Steve calls it, but I call it that because I consider it similar to the early morning worship I learned growing up as a Muslim. (But that’s another story for another day.)

Steve’s call to God-morning testimony-moment-of-inspiration, whatever we want to call it, was about God’s gifts to us this morning. He used the famous quote, “God’s gift to you is your potential, your talents. Your gifts back to God is what you become, what you make of your talents and potential.” Or something like that. He told of individuals who turned their talents for cooking, baking, singing into businesses and successful careers. He didn’t reference a Biblical scripture to support this as he sometimes does, but the real-life anecdotes from people he knows, rang true enough for me. This got me to thinking about my own talents and potential. I love to write. It prospers me psychologically even before it adds up to dollars that makes sense. I like to spend my first hour of the day writing and more often than not I do.

But this morning, something that Steve said reminded me of a conversation I had yesterday with my 91-year-old grandparents. We were in their backyard, where they had proudly showed me the tomatoes, okra, bell peppers, and chives they are growing. I marveled at the mere fact that even as their health has declined and age as slowed them considerably, they are still producing. They still grow vegetables they freeze and can to have through the winter months. But their level of productivity was not what amazed me the most.

Grandma had sat on the steps for a rest as Granddad was digging up a cluster of chives to send home with me. I told them that I am growing a pot of basil my next door neighbor gave me, and a pot of mint. I have not planted a whole garden, but someday I may. We talked about the mint that used to grow wild in their garden. They told me how many, many years ago, when my granddad worked for Marriott, managing its contract for food services at a hospital, for extra cash, they sold the company mint from their back yard. This story of their enterprising and collective effort was only another small gift from this moment spent with them.

They offered me mustard greens and offered to pick them because they figured they could pick them faster since they’re old pros at it.

“I just can’t stand to see you struggling, picking one at a time,” Grandma said, bending over, pulling up handfuls.

“They don’t look ready to me,” I told her. “Looks like they need to grow some more. They’re so small.”

“They’re tender when they’re young like that,” she said. “I like mine tender.”

“But I don’t want to take your greens you put all the work into growing,” I said.

“We got greens going to bed!” Granddad said. “That little bit you got there ain’t enough to feed me. Go on and fill that bag up. We got plenty greens. Here, let me help you.”

Granddad’s hip is bad, so rather than bend, he had to kneel to pick greens.

“We gave away our first crop,” Grandma told me. “The Bible says give your…what is that they call it?”

“Your first fruits. Give your first fruits to God,” I said, surprised that this information had been inside. I had not thought about it. Couldn’t remember where I had read it or heard it. Some church somewhere, or one of the may self-help books I’ve read, probably.

“Yeah. That’s it. Give your first fruits to God and you’ll never want for anything,” Grandma added.

Before I left their home with a box full of books, dated as far back as 1914, a bag of fresh greens, and a pot of chives to grow my own seasonings for the future, I also felt blessed by stories they shared, stories I had not heard in our 45 years together.

I had not known, for instance, that Granddad had helped take care of his parents and carried some of the lessons he learned from theme the rest of his life. He didn’t put it that way. He simply mentioned, by way of explanation, that even when he was missing in action, according to my Grandma, he was not missing at all.

“Granddad is it true that you were gone for three years during World War II and Grandma didn’t know if you were coming home or not?” I asked yesterday, determined to clear up a few issues while there is still time.

“I didn’t know if I was coming home!” he said passionately. “We were at war!”

He told me about taking the ship to Italy and losing friends. They were not sure what might happen the next day.

“You couldn’t call or write?” I asked.

“I’ll tell you what though. I sent my checks home,” he said. “I had half of it going to my momma and the other half going to your grandma.”

“So Grandma, you knew he was alive because the money was coming,” I said, begging the question of why she had told me only half the story, but also feeling relieved as I realized this inclination I have to tell only my half of the story is maybe a trait I inherited. She looked chagrinned and Granddad finished telling his side.

“My momma saved all the money I sent to her. Your Grandma here didn’t have a nickel of it when I got back.”

Grandma shrugged and I smiled imagining the conversation they must have had when Granddad returned. I knew that she had felt like she had been left in the big city, at 21, to fend for herself after she moved her with her new husband then he was called to war. I never knew that Granddad had not considered her totally alone and helpless. They took a train together back to his home to visit his parents and he told his mother to use the money she had saved for him to build a bathroom onto the house.

“I told them I didn’t want to have to go to no outhouse the next time I came. So take the money I sent and get a bathroom built.” They did.

They told me about when they bought the house we were standing in, how they looked at house all over the city, but Grandma wanted this one. So they bought it. Granddad had told me years ago how he had not known how they could afford this house, but everyday when he rode by it on a bus going to work he prayed and knew in his heart this would be his house. Yesterday he told me that it turned out that the man selling the house was a fellow member of the masons and allowed them to move in before they went to settlement.

They told me about using the attic in their house to cure hogs. They would drive home to Georgia to visit and return with two whole hogs. In their basement, they soaked the hogs in salt water.

“How long did they have to soak?” I asked.

“I don’t remember now. A certain amount of time, you had to soak ’em,” Granddad said.

“Then you hung them in the attic. I never knew how you could keep them from stinking. I mean it’s dead meat – not refrigerated,” I said, recalling bits and pieces of the story I’d heard over the years.

“That’s why you soak them in the salt. The salt preserves ’em. Then we hung them up there in the attic. And my father, he had showed me how to make sausage and everything. My children never wanted for nothing!” he said proudly. “Well, I don’t know about after they got grown cause they joined the moozlems and stopped eating pork.”

We laughed.

“They still got the lesson though,” I assured him. “My mother taught me how to buy in bulk and stay stocked with staples. Always a bag of rice, some beans…”

He smiled at his memories.

“I always keep a stock of things. You would never see me going back and forth to the grocery store every week. I got a store in my basement,” he said.

I had noticed three gallon jugs of laundry detergent in the basement. I did not mention that I like going to the grocery store practically everyday because I had wasted too much food buying fresh produce in bulk, not having the time to cook and freeze like they do. Since I could remember, they had always kept two freezers full of food in their basement, too. One freezer was full of meats and fish, the other was full of vegetables they grew, apples and peaches they picked. When I lived with them through a job transition once I had helped scale and gut a cooler full of fresh fish they had caught. We formed an assembly line, the three of us, at the double-sink Granddad had installed himself years ago.

“We have always had a freezer full of meat,” Granddad told me. “When they first sold us the freezer, that was the way they sold it to you. You bought the freezer, and for a certain amount each month, they bought you the meats.”

“Haven’t you ever lost it, had it go bad in a power outage?” I asked, because I had not remembered ever hearing him complain about something like that.

He shook his head.

“I have always trusted in God. And I never went through that. Never had the power stay out so long the meat went bad. I trust in God.”

I nodded, smiling.

I noticed what looked like a pan of cornbread covered in foil on the counter and asked for a bite to eat – having already declined their offer to cook something for lunch. I just wanted a small taste of something and remembered Grandma’s cornbread was actually better than the boxed Jiffy mix she started with. She added her own enhancements on the box mix. 

“I made biscuits. You’re welcomed to them,” she said. 

“Take them all,” Granddad said. “Take them home.” 

I only wanted one to take the edge off my hunger. I had left over beef and veggies waiting for me at home. I spotted a jar of Grandma’s homemade jelly and ended up eating three biscuits because they tasted better than they looked and the jelly was heavenly even though it had not jelled. Grandma apologized for the lack of firmness in her jelly. Granddad proudly explained that it had been made from apples they picked from the tree at their vacation camp site a short drive from where they live. He suggested I take a jar of jelly home with me, too. 

We covered a lot of ground in my short visit. Grandma disclosed a couple secrets she probably was supposed to take back to heaven with her. Granddad denied it all. One of her complaints I tried to mitigate, but couldn’t. Granddad assured me that he is taking good care of them as he always had. 

“And when we die, ya’ll don’t have to come up with a nickel to bury us,” he said. He’s got that all taken care of, too. He told me of when and how he decided to pay for it all.

“When I die, all you got to do is call the Latneys and say, ‘he’s dead,’. They’ll come and pick me up, and everything is taken care of, paid in full. You don’t have to worry about nothing,” he said. 

Grandma had begun preparing me for their inevitable departure a few years ago when we wrote the obituary she wants used. She told me the particulars about what she wants to wear. Last year when she was not sure she would survive major surgery, and she lay restless, strapped in bed in an intensive care unit, she called out to me as I was leaving. 

“My obituary’s in the punch bowl!” she had said, telling me that if she didn’t make it out the next morning, the story of her life we had worked on was in with all her other important papers stashed in a glass, crystal-looking punch bowl. 

“Ya’ll are miracles in my mind,” I told them yesterday. 

“Bless you,” Granddad said. 

I had told Grandma a couple weeks ago that the mere fact that she’s still alive after professing her surrender before going into surgery last year amazes me. She had told me, “I’ve lived a good life…I’m ready…whenever God sees fit to take me I’m ready…I’m tired…” I did not expect her to live past Christmas. But by spring, she was planting seeds for another harvest. 

Yesterday as Granddad pulled greens for my dinner, I offered to mow their lawn. No, he said, my uncle is planning to teach my 12-year-old cousin, how to cut his grandparents’ grass.  I used to take pride in keeping up their lawn. Granddad had taught me how to mow the grass evenly, how to trim the hedges using his electric clippers. He had taught me to water the grass early in the morning or late in the evenings, never when the sun is high.  

Yesterday’s visit – their stories, the fruits from their garden, the laughter, the memories – was such a blessing, it came to mind this morning as I prayed and considered making my morning writings, my morning thoughts, my first fruits offering to God.

Rather than pondering my current problems, past regrets, and fears about the future, “weed” thoughts that choke the life out of my potential, I should begin my day with nourishing thoughts – and writings. Thoughts of thanks for all that I do have, praise for all the good in my past, and thoughts of hope for my future will nourish my God-given talents and potential, while lamenting all that I seem to lack will, like weeds, choke the life out.

I got out of bed this morning, thanking God that although I do not have the job I expected to have had a year or more ago, yesterday I had time, un-rushed, to spend with two people who have lived well a very long time trusting God and the many gifts He has given them. Jobs helped sustain them, but so did their relationships with their parents, their passion for gardening, their practice of tithing, their relationships with their children, their grandchildren, and their church.

Today I will water my basil and mint and the chives – and many other “fruits” I got from Grandparents yesterday, fully appreciating them as gifts God has planted in my life.

Don’t Shit on My Bookbag


by Sonsyrea Tate Montgomery on Thursday, July 21, 2011 at 11:56am

Black crows are bold. Bold as shit.

This morning I packed five journals in my bookbag and headed to the beach, my “office of inspiration,” already decorated with real-life scenery. Being temporarily unemployed means I get the office with the river view.

I planned to journal to my heart’s content this morning and draft a couple blogs. I carried my “Purpose Driven” journal with Biblical verse and prompts by Rick Warren, my “job acquisition” journal where I ponder advice, strategize over job leads and try to figure out why I haven’t been hired yet. I packed my “Prayer” journal where I list and thank God for the great jobs I’ve already had, account for gifts (monetary and priceless gifts) I already receive, and analyze my current needs and wants. I carried my “Writing Life” journal where I note insights, wisdom, and information I picked up from yesterday’s readings about the writing life, and my journal where I keep notes about novels I read and movies that advise and instruct me on storytelling.

As usual, I also took something for me to snack on  – a bag of cherries and a big cup of ice water, and I took something to share with my foul friends who I imagine enjoy seeing me arrive. After writing a couple hours I stepped away from the table to toss bread crumbs for the seagulls and crows. The ducks were no where in sight this morning. As I was tossing crumbs I noticed a crow land on my bookbag and begin pecking and peeking in the side pocket like it was looking for something.

“Yo! I got your bread over hear,” I said in my mind looking at the bird. “Yo! Don’t shit on my bag. Please don’t poop on my bookbag. I got your bread over here!”

She pecked and peeked a few more seconds then flew away. I imagined she landed on the bag to get my attention. Maybe it was time for me to leave?  She had not shit on the bag, so I was happy. I sat back down and journaled some more.  I looked up and noticed her nibbling at the bread I set out for her and the others. I took notes on much of the bird behavior I witnessed, drawing inspiration and instruction.

(For instance, one bird squawcked and screamed for a crumb from one bird’s mouth instead of picking up the food for itself. “Girl! Get your own food!” I thought, gazing hard at the screaming bird. The industrious bird did eventually drop a crumb in the screaming bird’s mouth and shut the screamer up. I was inspired to be more industrious in my writing career. Find my own readers/buyers instead of screaming for a publisher to feed me. The readers/book buyers are out there as sure as the bread I set out for my feathered friends this morning.)

I left the “office of inspiration” ready to work on the projects I have back home. I’m glad the bird had not pooped on my bookback. Cleaning it would have been one more mindless thing I’d have to do.

By the Light of the Moon

 

After journaling with a setting sun, then tuning into an hour-long prayer session on radio, I still felt distressed. So, I sought solace under the bright full moon that happened to be out that night. Why was I distressed? The job had not yet come through, the book had not yet found its publisher, the romance had not been restored. Not even Yolanda Adam’s lyrics, “I want you to be blessed. Don’t live life in di-stress. Just let go and God will work it out for you,” soothed me at this time. But I looked up and noticed that the moon was full.

 

I sat outside on my front steps praying alone, hoping for a word from God. I had meditated on some of my favorite Bible verses, but was drawn to the moonlight this evening.

 

As I stared up into the light, my heart bowed. Then something unexpected happened. A cluster of clouds completely covered the moon, darkening the sky. With my moon darkened, I looked away from it and noticed the much smaller lights of twinkling stars.  I had not noticed the smaller lights when mesmerized by the moon’s great big light. It occurred to me that I might be overlooking God’s many small sources of light in my life. I may not have the big light of job security and sufficient income right now, for instance. But I have good health and time (again) to sit still and pray. I don’t have the hug light of a publisher’s attention and resources right now, but I have time to visit family and friends and contemplate on God’s purpose for my life and assess the many blessings already bestowed. I miss romance, but I have found new ways and reasons to love intimately.  I may be missing the big light of public engagement and job fulfillment, but I can appreciate the small light of time to clean, organize, decorate, and enjoy my home.

 

After reflecting on inspiration from the small starlights, again I looked for the moon through the clouds.  I noticed how slowly they moved, but they were definitely moving. The moon was there behind the clouds. I just knew it. I was reminded that even when I can’t see the light of God in His brilliance – due to clouds of my own uncertainty, disappointment, anxiety, ect. – it is still there.

 

I realized that when the large light in my life – big hopes, dreams, desires – get covered, I can look around for the sparkle of the smaller lights – things I may be taking for granted – my health, blessings already received, accomplishments already fulfilled.

 

Of course the clouds passed and the moon’s light was clear and bright again.  And I expect the same in my own life.

Malcolm, Marable and Me – Update

The book is just too big for me to take it all in at once. It was a novel dare. I would read Manning Marable’s controversial “Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention” in a week and either join the parade of reviewers and social commentators praising his thorough research, or chime in with Bro. Malcolm’s children and grandson, condemning the tome for its dusty innuendo, questioning the author’s motives. I planned to swallow the book whole. But it was too big. Besides, halfway into it I realized I had “been there and done that.” Next!

Half way into the book I was fully appreciating its exhaustive research, its discovery and disclosure of details and FBI documents I had been unaware of as a child growing up in the Nation of Islam, which Bro. Malcolm made famous, and in turn became famous for.

The book was coming up short on what I had hoped to get – a sense of the overall experience of the organization and the people in Bro. Malcom had miistered to. I had hoped it would reveal a better sense of the men, women, and children Bro. Malcolm was motivating to build what, as it turned out, would be a front-runner for the mega churches of today.

The 595-page book requires a substantial commitment of my time, mental energy, and interest. I simply did not have it to give – yet. I bought the book, full-price. Cash, thank you very much, but it would cost more than a couple of weeks of good time to read it. I love reading, but it is a slow grind for me. I have to savor a passage word-by-word, digest a chapter at a time. I’ll pick up the Malcolm-Marable “master piece” again. But right now, I am more interested in hearing from other former NOI members about their experiences in the organization in the 50s, 60s, 70, 80, 90s and now.

So far, based on just a few interviews I’ve done, no one wholly regrets their time in the Nation of Islam. The former members I have talked to, in fact, are grateful for the lessons they learned and for the motivation, self-discipline and empowerment they gained – even if they won’t send a dime to keep the organization going because of the manners of corruptions and personal distress the organization has also caused individuals and families.

However, in case you missed it, here is one former NOI brother outraged by the book – to the tune of a $50 million lawsuit filed last week: http://www.wbgo.org/newsarticle/former-nation-of-islam-minister-is-suing-writer-and-publisher-of-new-malcolm-x-biography.

Also, reading what Bro. Malcolm’s grandson had to say last week on what would have been the icon’s 86th birthday was well worth the time, and I am sooooo looking forward to the book he is writing. Check him out here if you missed this: http://newamericamedia.org/2011/05/malcolm-x-grandson-decries-marable-biography-on-86th-birthday-observation.php.

If you, or someone you know spent any time as a member of the NOI, please hit me on facebook. I would loke to speak with them.

Have a blessed day!

When You Walk through a Storm…

As I stepped out my front door this morning for a power walk around the neighborhood, I was taken aback by the rising storm. Just like that, a song I learned in junior high school came to mind and I began to sing it internally. 

When you walk through a storm

Keep your head up high

And don’t be afraid of the storm

At the end of the storm is a golden sky

And the sweet…something and something and something

 I couldn’t remember all the words, but the part I did remember brought a smile to my face.

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on

Walk on

With hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone

 I took in a deep breath as the main phrase filled me up.  I remembered vividly the music teacher and glee club director who taught us the song.  A smile curled my lips as I remembered Mrs. Overstreet, as heavy as Aretha Franklin before Aretha was heavy. Mrs. Overstreet was very passionate about her work and the messages she intended to impart.

 “Sing!” she demanded, pounded the piano keys.

“You will NE-VEEEEEER walk alone!”

“Louder!”

“You will NEEEEEE-VEEEEER walk alone!” We sang as loud as our voices could stretch.

The memory of the song and the woman who taught it to us quickened my pace as I race-walked through my neighborhood.  The winds whipped up dry leaves around me. Clouds darkened the sky. And the trees whistled, swayed, and danced to the rhythm set by the pending storm. I replayed the song in my mind. When you walk through a storm keep your head up high. But when I glanced down I noticed a shiny nickel and was reminded of another childhood treasure.

My uncles used to tell me, “Don’t take no wooden nickels.” I was delighted by the memory. I didn’t ask them what they meant, because I thought I knew.  A girl in my neighborhood had become the fool of the group because she had taken a wooden nickel from one of the boys in exchange for a sexual favor. We were only eight to ten years old and some of the kids our age or slightly older played a “nasty game” where a girl would let a boy hump her for a nickel. A “hump” was a boy’s bumping his pelvic area into the girl’s pelvic. For a dime he could hump her butt one time. It’s ironic that even at that age, even with strict parents, which most of us had, we found ways to test the taboo and to put a monetary value on sexual gratification and submission. Even at that age at least one of the girls, the one who took the wooden nickel and became the joke of the hood, learned to pay closer attention to what she was giving and getting. When I picked up the shiny nickel on my power walk this morning, I was reminded to pay closer attention to my gifts and exchanges.

Walk on through the wind

I turned the corner and noticed a penny on the ground. Yes, it was a shiny penny, not a dull, dirty one, ironically.  I put it in my pocket, too.  It didn’t generate any memories or inspiration. It was just a shiny penny that could close a sale at the grocery store I planned to walk to later. 

As the wind got stronger, I felt charged and wished I could breathe it in and harness for a flight, as if I could spread my wings and lift up like a bird. I breathed in deeply, thanking God for the fresh air, the charge, and the memories.

 Mrs. Overstreet died some years ago, but the lesson she taught us through a secular song was resurrected in my heart today. Our teacher loved Broadway musicals and used them to connect us to the whiter world outside our nearly all-black one.  This song she taught us for our graduation, had been written for the musical Carousel that opened on Broadway in 1945.  A song written by white men in the 1940s, taught by my school teacher in the 1970s, could still inspire me in the new millennium. Now that’s classic, I thought. Thunder clapped, then roared.  The skies opened up and the first sprinkling of what promised to be a downpour delighted me as I made my way back inside.

I looked up the lyrics on the Internet to fill in the words I had forgotten. Once in cyberspace I saw a news headline saying 250 people have been killed in storms ripping through southern states in the past couple of days; hundreds were injured. As the skies dumped torrential rains outside my windows and I hard the loud clash of thunder, I thought about natural disasters that tore up whole cities, states and rocked whole countries.

How blessed I am to walk through a storm.  To draw inspiration from a storm because it has not threatened my life and the very foundation beneath me. Even before the storm ended, I heard birds singing in the rain. Within minutes this little storm would be over, and I will step outside looking for a rainbow.  Then I’ll find a reputable charity through which to make donations to help others who have suffered life-flattening storms.

Keep your head up high.

Here are the lyrics:

When you walk through a storm

Keep your chin up high

And don’t be afraid of the dark.

At he end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark.

 

Walk on through the wind,

Walk on through the rain,

Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone,

You’ll never walk alone.

Now sing! Just kidding. Here’s wishing you inspiration from the storms in your life and from your fondest memories as well. A yoga instructor once told our class she loves a storm because it seems to clean the air.  How have storms, real and figurative, inspired you? Does something you learned from a teacher – or coach – in your youth inspired as an adult?

Some oldies but goodies!

 

___________________________________


 
TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!     
                                
  Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.  One night 
  the 96-year-old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She    
  yells to the other sisters, ‘Was I getting in or out of the bath?’      
                                                                          
  The 94-year-old yells back, ‘I don’t know.  I’ll come up and see.’  She 
  starts up the stairs and pauses, ‘Was I  going up the stairs or down?    
                                                                          
  The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to 
  her sisters, she shakes her head and says, ‘I sure hope I never get that
  forgetful, knock on wood.’  She then yells, ‘I’ll come up and help both 
  of you as soon as I see who’s at the  door’                              
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine 
     March day.  One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”            
                                                                          
     “No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.”                       
                                                                          
     And the third man chimed in, “So am I.  Let’s have a beer.”          
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. 
     As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “  
      Supersex.”                                                           
                                                                                                                                                
     She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.  Flipping her  gown at
     him, she said, “Supersex.”                                           
                                                                          
     He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take 
     the  soup.”                                                           
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Now this one is just too Precious…LOL!                             
                                                                          
     Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years,
     they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their
     activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play    
      cards.                                                               
                                                                          
     One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and    
     said, “Now don’t get mad at me.  I know we’ve been friends for a long
     time, but I just can’t think of your name!  I’ve thought and thought,
     but I can’t remember it.  Please tell me what your name is.”         
                                                                          
     Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared 
     and glared at her.   Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
                                                                          
      Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,“Herman, I
     just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on     
     Interstate 77.   Please be careful!”                                 
                                                                          
     “Heck,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car.  It’s hundreds of them!”
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Two elderly women were out driving in a large car–both could barely 
     see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an
     intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.  
                                                                          
     The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself ‘I must be losing 
     it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light.’  After a  
     few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was
     red.  Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat
     was almost sure that the light had been red but was really  concerned 
     that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous.                    
     At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
     on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said,“Mildred, did
     you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?  You    
     could have killed us both!”
                                         
     Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”  

The Transformative Powers of the Pen

We discussed social media best practices for authors during a conference call yesterday. It was one of the weekly calls Strebor authors have where we exchange information, encourage each others, and get a chance to ask the publisher and our publicist questions as a group. Something said during the conversation resonated long after I hung up. The publicist talked about the necessity for authors to self-promote. No, this was not news to me. I knew it. I tried it. I concluded after more than ten years that I simply was not good at it. Since this is what it takes to succeed as an author, I considered, I may as well die.

I write because I must. Writing for me is like breathing, like thinking. It has been a saving grace since I was eight-years-old writing plays where characters said and did all the things my religion deprived me of enjoying. Writing, as a young woman, saved my sanity.

All my life, all I’ve wanted to be was a writer. I’ve wanted to share my passion for literature, share my observations and analysis of common experiences, and share my unique experiences, but if self-promoting is essential to this, forget it.

I mulled this over as I went out for an afternoon power-walk. I was walking home from the bank when it suddenly occurred to me that the God had sent me to train with a master self-promoter. My last supervisor was a pain in the ass because she insisted on writing her own press releases while I insisted on doing the work I was allegedly paid to do. She knew what she wanted to say and found it quicker to write her promotions her way than to answer my questions and wait for me to pen a press release. I hated this. I had, after all, by then published hundreds of newspaper articles and two books. As much as possible I tried to beat her to the punch, anticipating news and drafting press releases before she could get started, but we often ended up with her doing her own thing.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that it was training for work I would need to do for myself until I can afford to hire a p.r. expert.

Penning my own press releases may even force me to break a life-long habit of self-deprecation. It will train my brain on what is best about me and the literary gifts I pen.

I recently completed my first novel, and felt transformed from bitter to neutral to soon-to-be-all-out-grateful for what had felt like two years of hell. Writing about the experience helped me detach and see incidents as just that – incidents. It helped me put the incidences in context. It helped me see the “enemy” as just a character, an antagonist. It helped me see myself as just a character, a protagonist, who had to mature by the end of the experience.

Figuring out how to promote this story promises to be rewarding, as well. Already market research has showed me my experiences, as challenging and tragic as they felt, are much more common that I knew. I am looking forward to the other many rewards from this process.

Pleasantly Surprised

100   Points of Gratitude – Job

1)    A steady paycheck

2)    Health and dental insurance

3)    A clean building to work in

4)    Workable bathrooms

5)    Dining facilities and vending machines on premise

6)    Free parking

7)    Heat in the winter and cool air in the summer

8)    Credits toward my social security in the future

9)    Working around people I like

10) Working with people I respect

11) Using some of my natural talents

12) Using some of my education and experience

13) Adding value to the organization

14) Authority to create new outlets

15) Working in a famous building

16) Working for a famous/infamous organization

17) Adding value to residents’ lives

18) Adding understanding of issues

19) Offering insight into how things get improved

20) Offering insight into how government works

21) An office refrigerator and microwave for lunches from home

22) A state-of-the-art gym in the building

23) Security in the garage

24) Computers that work

25) Available research assistance

26) Yellow paint on the walls for cheerfulness

27) Blue carpet on the floor that’s soothing

28) A cubicle, at least

29) Voice mail

30) E-mail

31) Computer assistance available

32) A lap top to work on from home

33) Co-workers I can laugh with

34) Working with a leader  who works hard herself

35) Working with a boss who is very smart, impressively intelligent

36) Working with a boss who at 73 has the stamina of a 17-year-old

37) Working with a boss who is intensely passionate, however misplaced the passion sometimes

38) Working with a boss who is faithful although she’s not religious

39) Working with a boss who is resilient

40) Working with a boss who is flexible

41) Working with a boss who has adapted to the 60s, 70, 80, 90s, and turn-of-the century

42) Working with a boss who had taken public, embarrassing defeats in stride

43) Working with a boss who loves her job

44) Working with a boss who is tireless (because she’s an example of what’s possible)

45) Working with a boss who is clearly living “on purpose”

46) Working with a boss who is celebrated

47) Working with a boss who is loved by many

48) Working with a boss who has remarkable successes to her credit

49) Working with a boss who contributes to others’ successes

50) Working with a boss who speaks lovingly about her children

51) Working with a  boss who will send certain staffers notes of praise

52) Working with a boss who have given me and other young and middle-aged people opportunity

53) Working in a building designed by inspiration

54) Working in a building millions visit

55) Working in a building made of fine materials

56) Riding an underground train between buildings

57) Being a part of an historic Congress

58) Working in government during a historic time

59) Being in a position to tell the story from the inside

60) Being able to know the story from the inside

61) Being able to love the story as it happens

62) Being able to tell the story as it happens

63) Being in a position to help shape new laws

64) Being in a position to tell how new laws are shaped

65) Being in a position to understand how law is influenced

66) Being in a position to see earnest efforts of politicians

67) Being in a position to learn to trust elected officials

68) Being in a position to grow beyond deep-rooted cynicism

69) Being in a position to save toward retirement

70) Being in a position to receive matching funds for 5 % of my salary

71) Being in walking distance daily from the Library of Congress w/ free parking

72) Being in a position to meet people who love serving the public

73) Being in a position to work with people who love serving the public

74) Helping serve the public

75) Helping make sure government works for individuals and community organizations

76) Being in a position to help make sure public officials are honest

77) Being in a position to help make sure public funds and trust are spent properly

78) Being in a position to reach someone in the White House on the phone

79) Being in a position to help people I know gain access to resources

80) Being in a position to help restore public trust in government

81) Being in a position to help others grow beyond their debilitating cynicism

82) Having good physical health so I can focus on the tasks at hand

83) Having good mental health so I can focus on the tasks at hand

84) A boss who loves teaching young people

85) A boss who believes government should serve the people and who works to make that happen

86) Being in a position to listen to debate on legislation all day as I work

87) Learning new skills while being paid

88) Challenges that have pushed me farther than I thought I could go

89) Finding that I can work longer days that I have in my life

90) Finding that I can work long days for longer periods than I have before

91) Finding that I can adapt to difficult circumstances

92) Realizing that I need to adapt much quicker for greater success

93) Being in a position to help ensure others’ success simply by doing my job well

94) Having resources to maintain my living expenses and unexpected expenses

95) Having resources to maintain credit lines for emergencies

96) Being in a position to leap into a much better financial position

97) Being in a position to gather rich material for books

98) Inspiration for book titles and characters

99) Being in a position where others can see my talents and excellence

100)                Meeting new friends

I had been feeling over-worked and under-paid, taxed and exhausted.  But last week, the maladjustment to my current circumstances almost became debilitating. So, I decided to spend this week focusing, instead, on a question a friend of mine would ask me. How does God get the glory out of this? Whenever I complained, Chee-Chee would ask “How does God get the glory?” and encourage me to find the sparks of light, the reasons to be grateful rather than resentful of the same situation.  Today I set out to begin compiling my list, and was pleasantly surprised that the gratitude flowed.  Within minutes I was looking at 35 reasons to be grateful for my job. In less than 30 minutes I had listed 100 reasons, not including paid holidays. I could probably come up with 100 more reasons. But this is enough to take the edge off the four complaints I paid daily homage to in the last year or so.