After journaling with a setting sun, then tuning into an hour-long prayer session on radio, I still felt distressed. So, I sought solace under the bright full moon that happened to be out that night. Why was I distressed? The job had not yet come through, the book had not yet found its publisher, the romance had not been restored. Not even Yolanda Adam’s lyrics, “I want you to be blessed. Don’t live life in di-stress. Just let go and God will work it out for you,” soothed me at this time. But I looked up and noticed that the moon was full.
I sat outside on my front steps praying alone, hoping for a word from God. I had meditated on some of my favorite Bible verses, but was drawn to the moonlight this evening.
As I stared up into the light, my heart bowed. Then something unexpected happened. A cluster of clouds completely covered the moon, darkening the sky. With my moon darkened, I looked away from it and noticed the much smaller lights of twinkling stars. I had not noticed the smaller lights when mesmerized by the moon’s great big light. It occurred to me that I might be overlooking God’s many small sources of light in my life. I may not have the big light of job security and sufficient income right now, for instance. But I have good health and time (again) to sit still and pray. I don’t have the hug light of a publisher’s attention and resources right now, but I have time to visit family and friends and contemplate on God’s purpose for my life and assess the many blessings already bestowed. I miss romance, but I have found new ways and reasons to love intimately. I may be missing the big light of public engagement and job fulfillment, but I can appreciate the small light of time to clean, organize, decorate, and enjoy my home.
After reflecting on inspiration from the small starlights, again I looked for the moon through the clouds. I noticed how slowly they moved, but they were definitely moving. The moon was there behind the clouds. I just knew it. I was reminded that even when I can’t see the light of God in His brilliance – due to clouds of my own uncertainty, disappointment, anxiety, ect. – it is still there.
I realized that when the large light in my life – big hopes, dreams, desires – get covered, I can look around for the sparkle of the smaller lights – things I may be taking for granted – my health, blessings already received, accomplishments already fulfilled.
Of course the clouds passed and the moon’s light was clear and bright again. And I expect the same in my own life.