Some oldies but goodies!

 

___________________________________


 
TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!     
                                
  Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.  One night 
  the 96-year-old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She    
  yells to the other sisters, ‘Was I getting in or out of the bath?’      
                                                                          
  The 94-year-old yells back, ‘I don’t know.  I’ll come up and see.’  She 
  starts up the stairs and pauses, ‘Was I  going up the stairs or down?    
                                                                          
  The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to 
  her sisters, she shakes her head and says, ‘I sure hope I never get that
  forgetful, knock on wood.’  She then yells, ‘I’ll come up and help both 
  of you as soon as I see who’s at the  door’                              
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine 
     March day.  One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”            
                                                                          
     “No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.”                       
                                                                          
     And the third man chimed in, “So am I.  Let’s have a beer.”          
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. 
     As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “  
      Supersex.”                                                           
                                                                                                                                                
     She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.  Flipping her  gown at
     him, she said, “Supersex.”                                           
                                                                          
     He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take 
     the  soup.”                                                           
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Now this one is just too Precious…LOL!                             
                                                                          
     Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years,
     they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their
     activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play    
      cards.                                                               
                                                                          
     One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and    
     said, “Now don’t get mad at me.  I know we’ve been friends for a long
     time, but I just can’t think of your name!  I’ve thought and thought,
     but I can’t remember it.  Please tell me what your name is.”         
                                                                          
     Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared 
     and glared at her.   Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
                                                                          
      Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,“Herman, I
     just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on     
     Interstate 77.   Please be careful!”                                 
                                                                          
     “Heck,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car.  It’s hundreds of them!”
                                                                          
     TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!                                    
                                                                          
     Two elderly women were out driving in a large car–both could barely 
     see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an
     intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.  
                                                                          
     The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself ‘I must be losing 
     it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light.’  After a  
     few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was
     red.  Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat
     was almost sure that the light had been red but was really  concerned 
     that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous.                    
     At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
     on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said,“Mildred, did
     you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?  You    
     could have killed us both!”
                                         
     Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”  
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